Current Weight: 189.8 (whoooo!)
Re-earn 5% (189): "right hand" ring I already bought for myself
AUGUST goal (188.2): Bra/Panties set I already bought for myself
SEPTEMBER GOAL (TBD): Season 4 of Scrubs
10% (180.2): Permanent French Tips (gels..artificial nails make me feel prettier!)
NEXT 10% (162.2): Season 5 of Scrubs
Goal: (5'7", I *think* my goal will be 155, but possibly 150. The lowest I have ever been before is 162.8, according to old WW books: iPod touch
Lifetime: Vacation to ________
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Latest WI...When you don't feel like you deserve the SV...
So I WI on Tuesday last week, due to my crazy schedule. I won't be able to WI again due to crazy schedule this Friday...I was down .8 which means:
7/22 BMI @ 193.2: 30.7
8/3 BMI @ 192.8: 30.6
Sadly, I really feel like I didn't deserve it. Yes, I started running again, YES, I got in my GHGs, but I was at like 25 pts in the red...meanwhile the week before that, I was at 3 pts in the red and gained 2.4.
I know I should take it and run with it, but I seriously feel guilty. My thyroid meds did go up in that week, but it really scares me now, bc I feel like my body is going to adjust and I am going to gain again this week. I am so seriously frustrated with myself and my WLJ right now. I have the feeling that no matter what I do, I'm gonna be doing the gain/loss/gain/loss thing. 7 weeks ago I hit my 5%. I want to hit that number again SO badly. I was actually starting to feel good about myself when I got there...Like I could DO IT. Right now, teetering btwn 190 and 195, I feel like I can't, but what's worse, I feel like it's only about 50% my fault when I gain, and 50% my fault when I lose. It's a mindf*ck, to be kind about it. LoL
I was so excited at my 5%, bc I was just "overweight" and not "obese." Now I'm obese again and having a REALLY hard time getting away from it.
And also a REALLY hard time not beating myself up on the day to day. I just want to be below 190 again @ the end of summer! I have my 5 year college reunion in October, and I would love to be at 10%....
Crankypants, bigtime.
7/22 BMI @ 193.2: 30.7
8/3 BMI @ 192.8: 30.6
Sadly, I really feel like I didn't deserve it. Yes, I started running again, YES, I got in my GHGs, but I was at like 25 pts in the red...meanwhile the week before that, I was at 3 pts in the red and gained 2.4.
I know I should take it and run with it, but I seriously feel guilty. My thyroid meds did go up in that week, but it really scares me now, bc I feel like my body is going to adjust and I am going to gain again this week. I am so seriously frustrated with myself and my WLJ right now. I have the feeling that no matter what I do, I'm gonna be doing the gain/loss/gain/loss thing. 7 weeks ago I hit my 5%. I want to hit that number again SO badly. I was actually starting to feel good about myself when I got there...Like I could DO IT. Right now, teetering btwn 190 and 195, I feel like I can't, but what's worse, I feel like it's only about 50% my fault when I gain, and 50% my fault when I lose. It's a mindf*ck, to be kind about it. LoL
I was so excited at my 5%, bc I was just "overweight" and not "obese." Now I'm obese again and having a REALLY hard time getting away from it.
And also a REALLY hard time not beating myself up on the day to day. I just want to be below 190 again @ the end of summer! I have my 5 year college reunion in October, and I would love to be at 10%....
Crankypants, bigtime.
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