C25K W1D2...DONE!

Off to a good start this morning. Got my run in, did lots around the house.

Had a large (but filling) breakfast...and only 5 pts left for dinner, but I will make it work somehow.

I made myself a nice lunch:
Lobster salad (3 pts the way I made it) and put it over a mixture of romaine and iceberg lettuce. Delish. Now to go sit by the pool and sun myself. Love days off.

August...and beyond.

So, today was another "last supper" kinda day. I hate when I eat like this, and even though I reset my WI day to Tuesdays (this seems to be the most consistent day for me to WI with my horrible retail schedule...) I've been nothing but bad and am HUGELY in the red. Emotional eating, for sure...but turning into self-sabotage.

I'm writing tonight to say NO MORE. I need to take control of my thyroid and at least maintain my weight if I can't lose. I DID expense myself a new food scale (on my credit card) I talked to a few other hypothyroid people and they said they need to be COMPLETELY exact in order to lose while they struggle with medication. So, starting tomorrow, that's what I need to be.

As per my blog title, I want to lose this weight FOR GOOD. I lost some of the foci (focuses?) of my blog since moving back home, so I am going to rededicate myself to these as well:
1. post more pictures
2. trying new recipes
3. trying one new food item, per week

At the very least, I have restarted C25K, I want to make myself the runner I WAS once upon a time - I hope to do a half marathon before I'm 30. I did a marathon before I was 25, so I guess I am doing it backwards.

Tomorrow will be C25K W1D2...I'm starting from scratch so I can learn how to appreciate running outdoors once again. Today was pretty good. The dog even came with me!

I just need to remember to take this all one day at a time, and forgive myself for being human...

Tomorrow is July 31. I recommit and put myself first, above all else.

"Food" for Thought

One of my friends from MS (and a Weight Watcher, who just reached goal and was approached about possibly being a leader one day, go JILL!) posted this link to her Facebook wall the other day. Being newly single (5 weeks! Woohoo, now if I could just get him to stop calling every few weeks...) I read it, am going to print it, and check off the things I deem appropriate for me.

Read ladies, take what you like, and leave the rest.

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articlematch.aspx?cp-documentid=24751924>1=32023

^A good read for coupled up gals, too!

Offically HATE my thyroid....

...cause it crashed again on Wednesday. When I WI Thursday, I was up 2.4 lbs.

I am so tired and so disgusted w myself. I was MOSTLY OP and earned lots of AP. I was in the red 9 pts, but that does not constitute a 2.4 lb gain.

Ever since Wed, I no longer have any energy (again, like I was 3 weeks ago) and can barely get out of bed after work. So tired. So over it.

I hate my body. I hate what it looks like and feels like, and I hate that my clothes don't fit.

I hate that it's working AGAINST my best efforts. I hate that once upon a time I was 162 and allowed myself to go ALL the way up to 200 again.

I just wasted a Saturday off because I didn't even have the energy to sit by the pool in the sun. This is awful.

I hope I lose this week, otherwise I will have to re-evaluate my WW membership. I haven't been able to afford it since I rejoined, but I figured it was worth the expense. Now, I'm not so sure it's worth the expense until I get my medical issues worked out.

Feel like crying.

Coming back....

Ok, so last night I had a meltdown. There's no avoiding that. I must have eaten about 12 double stuff oreos. I cried, about how I hate myself, hate what I am doing to myself when I gain, hate my job (retail, I'm a certified teacher who hasn't been able to get a job), and am still dealing with the backlash of having broken up with a 4ish year BF...(I did the breaking and feel guilt!). Emailed my BFF who is also on Weight Watchers, about how I was NOT going to WI and I hate everything and my thyroid and feel trapped financially.

Today I said, KJ, suck it up, go WI.

I did and I was down 3.2! That was EXACTLY how much I gained last week, which, I guess was MOSTLY bc of TOM. THANK GOD. I WAS in the red, but I think I am starting to finally get to a normal level of thyroid function and I have been able to exercise more. I feel much more capable today. I am 1.6 lbs away from getting my 5% back!

Next WI will be week 16 for me as well, and I should get my "Stay and Succeed" charm, no matter what happens with WI. :-)

Gonna try a new strategy for POINTS again this week. Since I have a BAD habit of eating "imaginary" (finished with WPA, and then I "owe" myself APs, which I NEVER earn all of) points, I am going to try it a different way. Since I track manually, I have decided that I am going to eat my APs first, as much as I can. For example, I get 25 POINTS. Today, I am planned at 29 points. (Having a slice of Buffalo Chicken Pizza for dinner...mmmm). I have already earned 1 AP, so I need to earn 3 more before the day is over. Then I will have earned/eaten 4 APs today, and still have FULL WPA. Can't hurt to try, right? The program works different for everyone...and I can even get those 3 AP in BEFORE I go to dinner :-)

If any of you use the WW Boards, PLEASE read Emily's most recent blog entry (on my WLJ Friends Links). I just read it, she hit ONEderland today! I was almost in tears reading about how she still perceives herself as being stared at in stores. Having a weight issue, I can TOTALLY relate, and it feels good not to be alone. CONGRATS EMILY on your CONTINUED SUCCESS!

Happy to make a comeback and have a better week!

Goals & Rewards

So, I've been thinking a lot this week about goals. I decided to blog about it while I'm sitting here, drinking my Green Monster. (Today, it's 1 1/4 c skim, about 1/4 c water, 1 frozen banana, 1/2 c frozen blueberries, 1 tsp canola oil, 1 handful baby spinach..YUM. I buy fresh fruit, but always freeze some and keep it in there, for just these moments - LOVE the texture!)

I gained weight this past week, but I knew I would - 3.2 lbs. I just didn't give a flying f*ck about what I ate or put into my body. I can't BELIEVE how much my thyroid medication was affecting me! I switched from the Generic to the Brand Name and I am already feeling LESS lethargic, 100% less irritable, and just have generally more energy to do day-to-day stuff.

While I'm not ready to change my online stats to my ULTIMATE goal, I was thinking about setting up some rewards for myself along the way. My budget is VERY tight, but I still deserve nice things, even if it takes me MONTHS to pay them off. Here is what I'm thinking:

Current Weight: 194
Re-earn 5% (189): Fingerprint protector for DROID
10% (180.2): Permanent French Tips (gels..artificial nails make me feel prettier!)
NEXT 5% 180.2 - 5% (171.2): Season 4 of Scrubs
NEXT 10% (162.2): Season 5 of Scrubs
Goal: (5'7", I *think* my goal will be 155, but possibly 150. The lowest I have ever been before is 162.8, according to old WW books: iPod touch
Lifetime: Vacation to ________

Sooo, some of them are silly, and some are more formidable...but they're things I want and just cannot "expense" away in my present status of employment.

I'm WI-ing Wednesday morning this week. Retail makes it SO hard to get in a regular schedule....I also REALLY hate WI @ night, so I guess if I could get over that, I would have a regular-ish schedule LoL. As of right now, I will have used 31 of my 35 WPA, I'm going to try to keep it that way. I need to earn some MEGA AP's, bc I haven't felt well enough to exercise since Friday...but I'm about to embark on a pretty good walk with the dog bc I feel decent today :-)

Then, heading along for brunch @ bff's house...

Plans for brunch: (11pts)
1 bagel
2 tbs reg. cream cheese (I am bringing a tbs and measuring, don't care - but BFF is a WW-er)
tomatoes to top (bringing these)
1 small glass of mimosa
coffee, black/iced a splenda

Dinner @ mom's tonight, must convince her to try to get something within my range. :-)

WORST week(end) EVER!

Had a HORRIBLE WW weekend. Posted on the BOARDS with it, but will copy & paste to here (in the interest of laziness!)

**This weekend = disastrous for me!

Friday: WI, gained 1 lb, brother's bday, BIG BBQ @ my house. Planned to go INTO my WPA, and managed to do that WELL. :-/ However, did eat a turkey burger, corn, and some good stuff during the day. Too many sweets.

Saturday: Family reunion: brought own turkey burger & bun, but the salad my gma makes involves the dressing being made ON it with sugar. So I had no veggies. Sad looking plate with ONLY a burger on it. ExBF called me and left a vmail which I didn't listen to and deleted. Slept horrible bc of anxiety.

Sunday: Gma's birthday celebration. I asked my mom what would be served ahead of time in order to prepare: Eggplant Parm, chicken marsala, salads, veggie plates (she said). Go to party with a plant to eat eggplant parm, veggies galore, and a BIG salad.

Well, there was NO veggie plate to be found, the salad was made with GOBS of caesar dressing, crutons, and cheese, and I ended up binging out on Pumpernickel bread, cheese, and spinach dip BEFORE I had the eggplant parm. TOTALLY emotional eating due to ExBF calling Sat, leaving a vmail, and my deleting it. (I broke up with him almost 2 weeks ago...He was kinda blindsided by it - WHY, I don't know, but I am having a hard time getting him OUT of my life)

I get home...Close my wrist in a door and am sitting here icing it. Then, I go to plan my day for tomorrow/pack my lunch, and my food scale is BROKEN. Now, I have no IDEA what any of the lean proteins in my house are, and I'm crazy about being exact. I have $10 in my bank account for the next two weeks and cannot afford to buy a new one...and I live in an UN-WW friendly house. There's never whole grains or fresh fruit unless I go get it, and being tied up in family party prep all weekend, it didn't happen.

I've HAD IT. It's Sunday, I'm out of WPA, and I have to get MAD APs in by my WI Thurs morn to even have a HOPE of maintaining. I feel disgusting, none of my clothes fit, and I would be very content to sit here and bawl for the rest of the night. I just want to lose weight and feel good about myself.**

So that was it. LOTS of emotional eating. I WI on Thursday this week (it's hard to get a regular day when you work retail)...I had good intentions to NOT go into/OVER my AP & WPA for this week, but I have. 26 points in the red. I plan to get 4-5 APs today and tomorrow, so that should only land me at min APs, 18 in the red...at max, 16 in the red. But we'll see...Maybe I can push myself to get more? Maybe I assigned **too** many points to some things? Either way, I need a SERIOUS recommitment after WI this week, for SURE. I want to get my 5 lbs off for July (my monthly goal is 5 lbs. I missed it last month).

I'm babbling here, so I will move on. I just needed a "cleansing" entry, I guess!

Up 1.0???

OK, so I guess, in fairness, I WAS "in the red" by about 50 POINTS this week. But I had hoped I would still manage to lose the .8 I needed to return to my 5%. I guess I've been in denial. But three weeks ago, I started medication for Hypothyroid-ism, and my doc (in NC, haven't established in NY yet) said the meds would make weight loss "easier" because my body wouldn't be fighting against me anymore.

Turns out, for reasons UNrelated to WLJ, I don't think I'm on the right dose at ALL, but I have that checked out again in about 2 weeks, if I can find a doc to see me without health care.

So, I decided to set my goals for this week as the following:
1 - 17-19 GHGs Daily (this is different from the previous 16-19)
2 - 16 APs for the week (my thyroid has made me VERY lethargic, so it's been hard to get APs, but my work schedule is lighter this week, so I will DEF have time to be more active!)
3- Re-start INSANITY with week 2; blog about it.
4- NOOOOO "ITR" POINTS! (in the red)

What I really need to remind myself is that I have VERY few clothes that fit (my bottom, anyways - my top stays roughly the same, regardless of weight, thanks to a REALLY broad build) and that I need to make myself and my health first priority, even if it means pushing through the exhaust that comes for my thyroid to exercise.

Need to go back to trying new foods this week, I've been *kinda* underwhelmed lately!

I think I also need some Green Monsters back in my life. So many GHGs in one shot!

Thursday Menu + Reflection

I figured for a little while - probably another week - I am going to post my daily menus again in an attempt to regain some normalcy! I really need to refocus my WLJ after the last few weeks of making a half-assed attempt at "counting" points. My work schedule is about to thin out a little due to the conclusion of Semi-Annual Sale (yes, I am an out-of-work-teacher selling panties), and I will have MUCH more time to plan and enjoy :-)

I have 27 points a day (officially, at the moment) and I have taken 1 pt from my WPA per day to extend my daily intake. YES, I use all of my WPA, and YES I use all of my AP's. I still lose, as long as I adhere to the program. Tell the nay-syers - IT WORKS!

AM Meal: (6 pts)
Omelette:
3 Egg Whites cooked in
1 tsp evoo
w 1/2 c mushrooms & 1/4 c tomato
1/4 c RF cheddar, melted
coffee w 1/2 c skim & 1 serving FV creamer

AM Snack: (4 pts)
Smoothie:
1 c skim
1/2 c frozen Blueberries
1/4 scoop vanilla protein
1 tsp evoo

Lunch: (9 pts)
1 slice Buffalo Chicken Pizza (from my FAV pizza place. It's good to be home!)
Salad w white balsamic vinegar

PM snack: (2 pts)
Lemon Zest Mini Luna Bar (not my fav flavor, but it came in the package. Will pass on it in the future!)

Dinner (at work): (6 pts)
1/3 c homemade tuna salad (made by dad, so I count the pts as deli-style...reg mayo, but DOES include onions & celery) over
lettuce, tomato, cucumber
with
1 c cherries

Assorted bites for day: 4 fritos and 1 cheeto. Counted as 1 pt.

I hope to earn 4-5 AP's today, Probably 2-3 from doing my INSANITY video, and 1-2 from walking the dog/getting on the treadmill. WI is tomorrow AM so I am trying to stay as LOW SODIUM as possible, and get in LOTS of GHGs! The only one I will miss today is whole grains.

**I should add that when I'm eating "clean" and getting in ALL of my GHGs, my body feels better and I have a TON more energy. I highly recommend evaluating your daily GHG intake and setting a personal goal to work towards!**