Maintain

So, I WIed again today. I expected to be up, but I stayed the same. It's a big deal right now that I have even managed to WI 2 weeks in a row. This is HUGE, as I had been avoiding the scale to avoid negative outcomes...I'm improving.

I noticed this week that my major problem is getting home from work. I'm a teacher and arrive home from school between 3:30-4:30, depending on how much work I have to do, or how many meetings I have (my students are dismissed at 2:30). I'm "ravenous" when I get home, and there's LOTS of crap in my house, at all times. It's hard to work through.

Basically, I need to plan better. I think I need to use less points during the day, so that I have more points at night. Also, I think I need to make sure I get in my workout (or trip to the gym) within a half hour of getting home, with no snack in between. This seems to be where I do the MOST damage. I eat ONE snack, where I count the points and am controlled. Then all HELL breaks loose and I eat all of the chips and high-sodium-chemically JUNK my dad and brother keep in the house. Gross. Then I feel gross. Then I need to wait longer to go the the gym, and I have NO points left for dinner.

My foci for this week are the following things:
-continue with running program (weeks 5-6 of C25K, I've been working through it at my own pace)
-begin some weight training
-no eating after 9
-plan, plan, plan

I just really need to get my shit together!

Starting again...again.

So, I had a brief hiatus.

Summer, I am saying, I "maintained." I hit my 5%, moved back home to NY, and then never saw it again. I struggled, I'm upset, but moving forward.

Now I'm back.

I went today to watch some friends finish the DIVA Half Marathon on Long Island, and I can't wait till I can run a half marathon now. HOW inspiring. I felt SO wonderful when I was doing that....I need to get back to that. Like, NOW.

I'm making a commitment to myself to BLOG at least once a week.
I'm making a commitment to myself to put good, healthy foods in my body.
I'm making a commitment to myself to run 3-4 times a week.

I'm making a commitment to myself, putting me first.

I'm very happy to be single, to be home, to be surrounded by friends and family. Now I need to work on my happiness and confidence with my body, and I feel like life will fall into place from there.

I'm wiping my weights from my progress and starting over with the weight I am at today....

I'm off to a great start btwn Saturday and Sunday. This makes me very happy. :-)

I CAN and I WILL do this.

Change in Goals

Current Weight: 189.8 (whoooo!)
Re-earn 5% (189): "right hand" ring I already bought for myself
AUGUST goal (188.2): Bra/Panties set I already bought for myself
SEPTEMBER GOAL (TBD): Season 4 of Scrubs
10% (180.2): Permanent French Tips (gels..artificial nails make me feel prettier!)
NEXT 10% (162.2): Season 5 of Scrubs
Goal: (5'7", I *think* my goal will be 155, but possibly 150. The lowest I have ever been before is 162.8, according to old WW books: iPod touch
Lifetime: Vacation to ________

Latest WI...When you don't feel like you deserve the SV...

So I WI on Tuesday last week, due to my crazy schedule. I won't be able to WI again due to crazy schedule this Friday...I was down .8 which means:

7/22 BMI @ 193.2: 30.7
8/3 BMI @ 192.8: 30.6

Sadly, I really feel like I didn't deserve it. Yes, I started running again, YES, I got in my GHGs, but I was at like 25 pts in the red...meanwhile the week before that, I was at 3 pts in the red and gained 2.4.

I know I should take it and run with it, but I seriously feel guilty. My thyroid meds did go up in that week, but it really scares me now, bc I feel like my body is going to adjust and I am going to gain again this week. I am so seriously frustrated with myself and my WLJ right now. I have the feeling that no matter what I do, I'm gonna be doing the gain/loss/gain/loss thing. 7 weeks ago I hit my 5%. I want to hit that number again SO badly. I was actually starting to feel good about myself when I got there...Like I could DO IT. Right now, teetering btwn 190 and 195, I feel like I can't, but what's worse, I feel like it's only about 50% my fault when I gain, and 50% my fault when I lose. It's a mindf*ck, to be kind about it. LoL

I was so excited at my 5%, bc I was just "overweight" and not "obese." Now I'm obese again and having a REALLY hard time getting away from it.

And also a REALLY hard time not beating myself up on the day to day. I just want to be below 190 again @ the end of summer! I have my 5 year college reunion in October, and I would love to be at 10%....

Crankypants, bigtime.

C25K W1D2...DONE!

Off to a good start this morning. Got my run in, did lots around the house.

Had a large (but filling) breakfast...and only 5 pts left for dinner, but I will make it work somehow.

I made myself a nice lunch:
Lobster salad (3 pts the way I made it) and put it over a mixture of romaine and iceberg lettuce. Delish. Now to go sit by the pool and sun myself. Love days off.