Accountability thread....

I posted to an accountability thread on Friday that I would blog my menus Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

However, I did not realize that I have to RE-TYPE everything that I put into my e-tools, and that I couldn't just use a screenshot.

:::crankypants:::

I went 16P+ further into the red last night...oh welly. I'll try to post later. WI post coming in 3...2...

Fat. Fat. Fatty fat fat.

Last week, I weighed in at 185.8.

I'm pretty sure tomorrow, I will weigh in at 187 or higher.

And it feels terrible. Horrible. My clothes don't fit. I don't want to even LOOK at my face in the mirror, because once I am over 181, I can SEE myself getting fatter in my face. I cancelled my scheduled Zumba class today because I can't handle the stress I will feel looking at myself in a mirror for an hour.

I'm having intense feelings of depression. Every day, I start off great. Every lunch, I'm still OP.

But somewhere betweenn 3PM, and bed, it all goes downhill.
I have way too much time to think about how I was blatantly WRONGED by my bosses when they told me I wasn't invited back in April.

I have too much time to think about how there are no openings in the Public schools.

I have too much time to think about WHY I didn't get an interview with the school I screened with, when my in-progress graduate degree is EXACTLY what the position entailed.

I have too much time to think about how I could potentially be making only $300/month in the fall, with medical expenses double or triple that, and no health benefits.

I have too much time to think about how right now, I have no idea if I can actually finish my grad degree bc I have no way to fund it.

There's all of this, and there's SO much more. So then, I eat. Usually, it's not an out-and-out binge, but little BLTs throughout the day. Or a 2x portion size @ dinner. Or bread I didn't plan for bc my dad and bro can't eat anything without fresh italian bread.

I cry all day, almost every other day. I don't know HOW to get out of this misery. I can't stand people telling me to "stay positive" because "it will get better"....because honestly, I have been out of college for 6 years, and hearing this for 6 years.

When do I get my break? When can I STOP this cycle of eating and crying, crying and eating?

I'm so so so lost.

I need to get weight off before I go back to teaching dance in September, otherwise I'm going to have my old "mirror" breakdowns like once a month...**sigh**

Tap Dancing....

...I just tapped for about an hour, doing choreography, warm-ups, and wearing my HRM...

It burned about 550! Why wasn't I thinner in HS??  Oh, right. Doritos and a lifetime of emotional eating.

Sweaty dancer face:

(Pardon cleavage. That's a VS bra-top shirt, and TOM at work...I swear I'm only a B cup!)

Hope I get this job at the dance studio Tuesday. I'll be tapping and doing jazz ALL weekend to brush up...it's been over a year since I taught dance! I feel so lost! 

Hey you guys!!!

Remember that time I used to write funny things?

Nope, you certainly don't, because that was LONG before I was blogging about weight loss.

I've been less than entertaining lately. In fact, I've been downright...well....down.

But, after my Friday evening was spent  reviewing QUITE humorous blogs, I decided I need to use this free time (read: unemployment-ish-status) to focus on making my blog and weight loss journey slightly more humorous.

I'm not sure HOW I am going to do that yet, but it's coming.

Either way, back down to 183.4 this week....need to bounce down to 170's ASAP. 90 Days till college BFF's wedding....

184.6

I'm done gaining. My knee hurts. My back was out. My body can't handle more weight.

So, I think I'm going to play a new mental game with myself:
10% of 184.6 is 18.4....
5% of that is 9.2....

So my next goal is 175.4

98 days to Meredith's wedding. I've got to get it together.

OP2 Overcome day 1 is in the bag...Here goes nothing...

I start working out again tomorrow after work...