You feel defeated.
You feel fat.
You feel ugly.
Your sense of self-worth is plummeting, as you have lost your job for the fall, once again.
Your small staff is gossiping about you, because they all know you lost your job for the fall.
Your world is shaken, your trust has been betrayed.
You hate getting up for work every day, because going to work creates anxiety.
You can't control your emotional eating.
Your DBF is working crazy long hours, and you haven't seen him since Saturday.
Your BFFs all seem "busy."
You're PMSing.
When it rains, it pours - but how do you ESCAPE and start to feel good again?
And HOW can you justify GAINING on the scale again...?
Sorry all, I feel very low tonight...
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
OK, ok....
I weighed in on Saturday but didn't blog about it. Fact is, even though I expected the gain that I got, I was REALLY cranky about it. I was up about 2.9, bringing me back to 30 P+.
183.1. That's 3.1 pounds OVER my 10%.
So this week, I am TRYING more. Of course, it didn't help that I had a family party almost immediately after WI.
I went in, in pretty good shape. I noshed on veggies and fruit.
And then came the cheese....OOOOH the cheese. But on the upside, at least I didn't overindulge in alcohol. I had one light beer and one glass of white wine.
Sunday, I ran my first 10K. I went into it, hoping simply to finish in less than 1 hr 30 mins, as I was NOT well-trained. I ended up finishing in 1:25 after a horrible run-in with a porta potty that didn't have a LOCK (FAIL! You try to pull up your sweaty granny panties and skin-tight running capris with one hand!)....so I could have been a little quicker.
It felt great, and I burned 1393 calories.
Unfortunately, I ate all of those APs.
I'm a little in the red today. I'm going to do a light walk on the treadmill tonight - I'm not ready to run yet, due to sore calves.
Tomorrow, Zumba...Running Thursday and Friday, hopefully.
I need to make a commitment to myself NOT to eat my AP's...it looks to me like that's what's killing my WLJ right now, and putting me over the edge.
:::hoping for a loss Sat, despite incoming TOM:::
I will not be taking a mid-week peek this week.
183.1. That's 3.1 pounds OVER my 10%.
So this week, I am TRYING more. Of course, it didn't help that I had a family party almost immediately after WI.
I went in, in pretty good shape. I noshed on veggies and fruit.
And then came the cheese....OOOOH the cheese. But on the upside, at least I didn't overindulge in alcohol. I had one light beer and one glass of white wine.
Sunday, I ran my first 10K. I went into it, hoping simply to finish in less than 1 hr 30 mins, as I was NOT well-trained. I ended up finishing in 1:25 after a horrible run-in with a porta potty that didn't have a LOCK (FAIL! You try to pull up your sweaty granny panties and skin-tight running capris with one hand!)....so I could have been a little quicker.
It felt great, and I burned 1393 calories.
Unfortunately, I ate all of those APs.
I'm a little in the red today. I'm going to do a light walk on the treadmill tonight - I'm not ready to run yet, due to sore calves.
Tomorrow, Zumba...Running Thursday and Friday, hopefully.
I need to make a commitment to myself NOT to eat my AP's...it looks to me like that's what's killing my WLJ right now, and putting me over the edge.
:::hoping for a loss Sat, despite incoming TOM:::
I will not be taking a mid-week peek this week.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Midweek peek....UP .9
I'm going to the doctor today. I'm starting to think there's something wrong with my thyroid again.
Yes, I am a little bit in the red, due to Easter, but I've been very active, and if I gain anymore than I have already, I "lose" my 10%. This is TERRIBLY upsetting to me. I KILLED myself to get there, got below it, and slowly started climbing up again...
I'm SO upset. I wasn't even going to peek, really but I wanted to prepare myself for what the scale is going to say at the doctor's office. I have lunch plans before then, and the doctor's scales always SUCK, so I assume it'll show me at about 190 with my jeans on. Terrible.
I took Zumba yesterday. Ran there, and ran back - watching myself in the mirror was terrible. I feel soft, doughy, and fat - where when I was at 177 in February, I was feeling tight & toned, and running a lot. Since then, my running has gone by the wayside a bit, and I just feel FAT and disgusting. It doesn't help any that I've been yo-yoing up and down, despite my best efforts. I mean, YES, some weeks, I deserve the gain, but others, I just don't. My actual thryroid feels swollen to me again. I'm physically exhuasted all of the time, and nap almost daily.
I'm really hoping there's something medical at play here, bc if there's not, I will really just feel like a complete failure.
I just HATE this sinking feeling. I want my confidence back....it sucks that it seems to be tied heavily to my maintaining/losing on the scale each week....but that makes me feel capable.
I'm just so exhausted. :(
Yes, I am a little bit in the red, due to Easter, but I've been very active, and if I gain anymore than I have already, I "lose" my 10%. This is TERRIBLY upsetting to me. I KILLED myself to get there, got below it, and slowly started climbing up again...
I'm SO upset. I wasn't even going to peek, really but I wanted to prepare myself for what the scale is going to say at the doctor's office. I have lunch plans before then, and the doctor's scales always SUCK, so I assume it'll show me at about 190 with my jeans on. Terrible.
I took Zumba yesterday. Ran there, and ran back - watching myself in the mirror was terrible. I feel soft, doughy, and fat - where when I was at 177 in February, I was feeling tight & toned, and running a lot. Since then, my running has gone by the wayside a bit, and I just feel FAT and disgusting. It doesn't help any that I've been yo-yoing up and down, despite my best efforts. I mean, YES, some weeks, I deserve the gain, but others, I just don't. My actual thryroid feels swollen to me again. I'm physically exhuasted all of the time, and nap almost daily.
I'm really hoping there's something medical at play here, bc if there's not, I will really just feel like a complete failure.
I just HATE this sinking feeling. I want my confidence back....it sucks that it seems to be tied heavily to my maintaining/losing on the scale each week....but that makes me feel capable.
I'm just so exhausted. :(
Monday, April 25, 2011
UP 2.0 on 4/23.
Seriously? Can I stop the friggin yo-yoing already? These are my WI's since hitting 177 in February:
2/19: 177.8
3/5: 180.0
3/12: 179.4
3/19: 178.6
3/26: 180.2
4/2: 178.6
4/9: 179.6
4/16: 178.2
4/23: 180.2
This averages out to :::drumroll::: GAINING .25 lb per week.
I feel utterly defeated. My job has been SO stressful lately, and it's been really hard to come home and cook every day. It's hard for me to live on 29 P+ right now. It's hard for me to think that I still have 20.2 lbs to lose, and my DPT is NOT going to go down again.
Upon reflecting - What are my factors?
1. Going into the red a bit, about every other week.
2. Being less motivated to run, and therefore, running less.
3. Complete exhaustion.
4. Sodium, and lots of it.
5. Carby meals more often than I used to.
What am I doing about it?
1. Doing my BEST not to go into the red this week. However, I am out of P+ already due to unexpected drinking Sat night, and definitely went over on Easter. Basically, I am going to focus on my 29 P+ each day.
2. Making sure I run more this week. I am downgrading my Half Marathon (5/1) to either 5K or 10K, bc I am not well-trained enough. Half Marathon FAIL. (Also makes me feel like crap!)
3. Going to the doctor. I have a hypoactive thyroid I am medicated for. However, it's possible that my meds aren't working right anymore, so I will be having a blood workup at the end of the week. I am also anemic and need to find out about taking iron.
4. Need less processed dinners.
5. More veggies. Need to go shopping.
I am still off of work this week, the Catholic School vacation is different than public. I am going to use the time to take care of myself the best I can, and be more active. I plan to run today, Wed, and Thurs, and then do my race either Saturday or Sunday morning, depending on which I choose.
I am taking Zumba tomorrow morning for the first time in months.
I'm headed to the gym in about 1 hour. Before then, I will be walking the dog, and getting hydrated.
Please, please, please let this be a good, in-control week. I'm so tired of spiraling, and I want to hit 175 SO bad.....that's a milestone for me! And it seems like such a small number!
2/19: 177.8
3/5: 180.0
3/12: 179.4
3/19: 178.6
3/26: 180.2
4/2: 178.6
4/9: 179.6
4/16: 178.2
4/23: 180.2
This averages out to :::drumroll::: GAINING .25 lb per week.
I feel utterly defeated. My job has been SO stressful lately, and it's been really hard to come home and cook every day. It's hard for me to live on 29 P+ right now. It's hard for me to think that I still have 20.2 lbs to lose, and my DPT is NOT going to go down again.
Upon reflecting - What are my factors?
1. Going into the red a bit, about every other week.
2. Being less motivated to run, and therefore, running less.
3. Complete exhaustion.
4. Sodium, and lots of it.
5. Carby meals more often than I used to.
What am I doing about it?
1. Doing my BEST not to go into the red this week. However, I am out of P+ already due to unexpected drinking Sat night, and definitely went over on Easter. Basically, I am going to focus on my 29 P+ each day.
2. Making sure I run more this week. I am downgrading my Half Marathon (5/1) to either 5K or 10K, bc I am not well-trained enough. Half Marathon FAIL. (Also makes me feel like crap!)
3. Going to the doctor. I have a hypoactive thyroid I am medicated for. However, it's possible that my meds aren't working right anymore, so I will be having a blood workup at the end of the week. I am also anemic and need to find out about taking iron.
4. Need less processed dinners.
5. More veggies. Need to go shopping.
I am still off of work this week, the Catholic School vacation is different than public. I am going to use the time to take care of myself the best I can, and be more active. I plan to run today, Wed, and Thurs, and then do my race either Saturday or Sunday morning, depending on which I choose.
I am taking Zumba tomorrow morning for the first time in months.
I'm headed to the gym in about 1 hour. Before then, I will be walking the dog, and getting hydrated.
Please, please, please let this be a good, in-control week. I'm so tired of spiraling, and I want to hit 175 SO bad.....that's a milestone for me! And it seems like such a small number!
Thursday, April 21, 2011
A little meme, stolen from another blogger...
So, I've let you into my life via my WLJ. Most of you don't know me IRL...so here's some A-Z about me!!!
W. What makes you run late: Bad traffic. I'm always on time, if not early.
X. X-Rays you’ve had: Back and hands. One knee xray.
Y. Yummy food you make: My personal fav to cook (since I was like 12) is homemade manicotti. Thanks to Gina @ Skinnytaste, at least now I make it skinny.
Z. Zoo- favourite animal: Elephant, I think.
A to Z about me :)
A. Age: 28
B. Bed size: Queen
C. Chore you hate: Cleaning the bathroom. Laundry. Mopping. I prefer to organize things, rather than clean.
D. Dogs: Rowdy! A 3 year old puggle :) He's my love.
E. Essential start to your day: Coffee, 2 cups, in a very large mug.
F. Favorite color: Blue, turquoise (like a tiffany blue), green, & silver.
G. Gold or silver: Silver.
H. Height: 5’7"
I. Instruments you play: I played most wind instruments throughout HS. Now I dabble with guitar.
J. Job title: Teacher
B. Bed size: Queen
C. Chore you hate: Cleaning the bathroom. Laundry. Mopping. I prefer to organize things, rather than clean.
D. Dogs: Rowdy! A 3 year old puggle :) He's my love.
E. Essential start to your day: Coffee, 2 cups, in a very large mug.
F. Favorite color: Blue, turquoise (like a tiffany blue), green, & silver.
G. Gold or silver: Silver.
H. Height: 5’7"
I. Instruments you play: I played most wind instruments throughout HS. Now I dabble with guitar.
J. Job title: Teacher
K. Kids: 25, none of them belong to me.
L. Live: on Long Island, with Dad & brother, after about 6+ years on my own.
M. Mom’s name: Cindy
N. Nicknames: Kel, KJ, Kaj
O. Overnight hospital stays: 0
P. Pet peeve: I'm quirky. Most of my pet peeves are grammar/speech related.
Q. Quote from a movie: "I'm too drunk to taste this chicken." <--- guess the movie, get a free 0 P+ cupcake ;-)
R. Right or left handed: Righty.
S. Siblings: 1 younger brother
T. Time you wake up: btwn 6:45 - 6:55 on weekdays.
U. Underwear: Victoria's Secret - but I'm biased bc I work there every now and again.
V. Vegetables you dislike: olives. Is that a veggie?L. Live: on Long Island, with Dad & brother, after about 6+ years on my own.
M. Mom’s name: Cindy
N. Nicknames: Kel, KJ, Kaj
O. Overnight hospital stays: 0
P. Pet peeve: I'm quirky. Most of my pet peeves are grammar/speech related.
Q. Quote from a movie: "I'm too drunk to taste this chicken." <--- guess the movie, get a free 0 P+ cupcake ;-)
R. Right or left handed: Righty.
S. Siblings: 1 younger brother
T. Time you wake up: btwn 6:45 - 6:55 on weekdays.
U. Underwear: Victoria's Secret - but I'm biased bc I work there every now and again.
W. What makes you run late: Bad traffic. I'm always on time, if not early.
X. X-Rays you’ve had: Back and hands. One knee xray.
Y. Yummy food you make: My personal fav to cook (since I was like 12) is homemade manicotti. Thanks to Gina @ Skinnytaste, at least now I make it skinny.
Z. Zoo- favourite animal: Elephant, I think.
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