I'm going to the doctor today. I'm starting to think there's something wrong with my thyroid again.
Yes, I am a little bit in the red, due to Easter, but I've been very active, and if I gain anymore than I have already, I "lose" my 10%. This is TERRIBLY upsetting to me. I KILLED myself to get there, got below it, and slowly started climbing up again...
I'm SO upset. I wasn't even going to peek, really but I wanted to prepare myself for what the scale is going to say at the doctor's office. I have lunch plans before then, and the doctor's scales always SUCK, so I assume it'll show me at about 190 with my jeans on. Terrible.
I took Zumba yesterday. Ran there, and ran back - watching myself in the mirror was terrible. I feel soft, doughy, and fat - where when I was at 177 in February, I was feeling tight & toned, and running a lot. Since then, my running has gone by the wayside a bit, and I just feel FAT and disgusting. It doesn't help any that I've been yo-yoing up and down, despite my best efforts. I mean, YES, some weeks, I deserve the gain, but others, I just don't. My actual thryroid feels swollen to me again. I'm physically exhuasted all of the time, and nap almost daily.
I'm really hoping there's something medical at play here, bc if there's not, I will really just feel like a complete failure.
I just HATE this sinking feeling. I want my confidence back....it sucks that it seems to be tied heavily to my maintaining/losing on the scale each week....but that makes me feel capable.
I'm just so exhausted. :(
Awww...it sounds like a rough past few weeks! Try to keep your head up. You've done amazing with your WLJ and you CAN do this. Just take it one day at a time.
ReplyDeleteI hope the doctor can shed some light on the situation. You've come so far, you'll get past this!! I know it's hard, but try to stay positive!
ReplyDeleteThis is not you: "soft, doughy, and fat" and "FAT and disgusting". You are amazing, wonderful, and determined.
ReplyDeleteYou can do this!!
Here's hoping that the doctor (as Lisa said) can shed some light on what's going on.